I'm feeling lonely rn (Septemeber Saddies)

Hello Reader,

I hope you are magnificent today, my little pumpkin spice, oat milk latte with extra pumpkin, extra shot, and extra pumpkin cold foam.

I had good feedback on the sugar muffin nomenclature from last week, but I wanted it to be weirder. So here we are.

Anyway, on with the email:

I know I've been open about feeling 'meh' in our little newsletters. You'll be pleased to know that I do have people I speak to in my life, and I'm not holding you hostage in some parasocial-reverse 'Misery' type of situation.

Coming back from Canada on such a high of being surrounded by people I really love, spending nearly every waking second with them, to being back in my cute little flat, where I live by myself, where I also work by myself almost all of the time, hit me like a ton of bricks...

Enter Saddies September.

In conjunction with my 'Stuck to Striving Challenge' (I'll run this again in January if you need a rejig in life), I've been reflecting on my values this week. And connection keeps coming up.

I wouldn't have realized that I'm missing a bit of connection in my life in the UK if I hadn't had such a good time in Canada. I have brilliant friends here, truly, and I also don't think there's a direct 'cure' for living on your work, working for yourself, by yourself for years on end. (I've worked remotely for over 5 years 😳 wild)

I could have pretended that I didn't feel lonely and that it would pass on its own.

I could have told myself that this is just how it is as an online entrepreneur, and I should suck it up.

I could have told myself that I'm just a miserable btch and I hate most people anyway.

I could book a one-way ticket to Canada in a rash decision and created a set of brand new, bigger set of problems.

But none of those things would get me the connection that I want.

Avoidance is my knee-jerk reaction. Boy oh boy, can I be 'good' at it? I have almost 30 years of practice pretending I don't have any emotions at all. (ha, joke was on me)

But I know that my maladaptive coping strategies don't get me what I want.

Do I have a perfect answer? Honestly, I don't. But what I do know for sure is that building the life you want doesn't happen by accident.

I may try getting a part-time job, not because I need one necessarily, but because I do love working and problem-solving in a team, in person.

I may join my village's tennis club; what's one more sport amongst friends? But making new friends in my village might be absolutely perfect.

Maybe it's time to try and find a therapist? (Why is the idea of finding a therapist you like more daunting than trying to find jeans that fit off the rack?)

I've been reaching out to my (amazing) friends since I've been home, and I've let them support me, I've let them see me cry, and I haven't lied about how I'm feeling.

I am also, maybe for the first time ever since moving to the UK, open to the idea that my time here might be up. Do I need to know that for sure? No. That's a way in the future-Rach, problem.

I do know that honouring how I'm feeling, doing my best to rely on my community, and taking action to give myself what I need is my only real concern right now.

An intentional life requires meaningful action.

Not a perfect action

(*She reminds herself under her breath at least once a day*

Speak soon,