Hello Reader,
Happiest of happy, springy Fridays to you! I hope you are very well.
The sun is out, which means many of us feel a bit more self-conscious wearing fewer clothes. While also feeling the dread of seasonal mood disorders shift after a long, old 5 months of darkness.
Talk about taking the rough with the smooth.
We are currently under siege with messaging like "Get shredded for summer", "If you start now, you can have your dream body in time for the beach", blah, blah, blah.
I don't need to remind you of the diet-culture and fitness industry messaging; it's on the inside of your eyelids before your sleep podcast sends you to dreamland because one thing we know for sure is that it. is. everywhere.
And then in the other camp we have- "Every body is a beach body!"
Both are wrong...
And while the premise that every body is a beach body is a nice idea (and I agree), it misses the point. If you feel self-conscious in strappy tops or shorts, did hearing 'just do it' magically cure you?
Nope.
Because body image is emotional shit, it's deeply ingrained in you and in our culture and logic doesn't make us FEEL differently or think differently about having more skin exposed in summer months.
It's reminiscent of 'You're sad, have you tried being happy?' Again, the idea is rooted in the intention of being helpful, but the strategy is thinner than my patience when someone in the UK hears my accent and wants to talk about Trump... (I am almost certain that at some point, I said stupid things like this; no doubt, there is evidence permanently out on the internet. Add this to the playbook of 'How to cancel Rachel Hunter', she also said every body is a bikini body once...)
This is seasonal Body Image. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Do you feel uncomfortable because you're wearing fewer clothes, or do you feel uncomfortable wearing less clothing because you're being force-fed messaging that you're current body is inadequate in your current state to be seen by other members of the public?
Obviously, both camps are 'wrong' in some respects, changing your body won't magically give you a positive body image, and equally chanting 'I love every inch' to yourself in the mirror each morning isn't an effective strategy that moves the meters to get you to a place of body confidence...
Which is what we care about around here.
The Four Horsemen of Seasonal Body Image (per this study DOI: 10.1016/j.bodyim.2021.03.004)
- Increase in dieting content! Just seeing more marketing drivel that tells you you're an inadequate POS, makes you feel worse... no surprise there
- Increasing body image pressure from peers on social media
- Appearance Comparisons- this one is a year-round tough one, but then when we're out and about and everyone has more skin on show, your brain is doubling down.
- And feeling like you're on display! Feeling exposed and like everyone is staring is not the one.
The good news and bad news were that they didn't find (in above above-linked study) that a positive body image was 'protective' against seasonal body image. The good news is that we know we can feel negative body image thoughts and positive ones at the same time. Bad news is that no one is 'safe', we're all feeling a little down about it this time of year.
So what can we do?
This is where I'd propose to start for each of the Four Horsemen:
- With an increase in dieting content, you might hear more conversations around dieting and body talk. And you don't have to partake. "You sound really upset about (your arms, legs, thighs, belly, too big, too small, etc.) I feel uncomfortable/ am not okay with/ am not interested in talking about our bodies like that, can we move on to something else?" Validate + I feel statement + boundary + changing the subject = Tried and tested formula
- Ah, yes, seeing the women from your high school whom you haven't thought about all winter now appearing on your feed, making you feel inadequate. Our brains will always compare us; we're social beasts at the end of the day, constantly trying to work out where we fit in. Firstly, catch the train of thought before it gets away from you. Secondly, awareness that comparison is normal. Thirdly, you also know it's not helping you get your future self, so what is something you can DO that would help your future self?
- Comparing yourself IRL, too, I won't repeat the above points as they still apply. But out in the real world, there is a bit of a different vibe to sitting on your couch scrolling. My next question would be, with all the 'They dressed up more than me for this dinner" thoughts running through your head, are you behaving how you'd want to? There will always be someone hotter/smarter/funnier/better job/ more money than you, and that doesn't mean you're inadequate, and there's a great sense of peace in being able to appreciate all of your qualities as a whole person, not just a body. Then, even more peace in behaving in a way that aligns with your values. ie, enjoying dinner with your friends, being fully present, not letting the comparisons run rampant in your head...
- Feeling on display, this is a big one! And it's even more in summer with warmer weather. Start small, pick something that aligns with the feeling you want and not the feeling you have, and go from there. If you've only ever worn long sleeves or baggy clothes to hide in the summer, going from 0 to a string bikini is not the answer. But graduated exposure, moving to short sleeves, then to a thick strap, then to a thin strap, is the way to build your confidence. Confidence is built rather than acquired. The way to have more is to push the boat out, without overfacing yourself and stressing yourself out.
You don't have to diet to be 'ready for summer,' nor do you have to push past all of your fears and feelings to 'just wear the bikini anyway. '
Working on INCREASING the amount of positive body image credits in your brain bank is the best way forward. A positive body image is not too good to be true, you deserve more than just dreaming of hating your body less. You deserve to feel at home.
β
Speak soon,
β