Hello Reader,
Mon petit pois, I have bravely risen from the depths of the great October cold of 2025.
I am mostly glad that all of my teeth haven't fallen out due to the sheer number of cough drops I've consumed, and don't even get me started on the clattering my liver took from paracetamol...
We rise.
On with the email...
"Omg, I, Rach, I just really admire your confidence."
It is meant with such nice intentions, and I recognise that. I really do.
HOWEVER, I hate it...
Part of it is my own shit, which I'm happy to recognise because why do you admire my confidence? Because I have more cellulite than my thighs know what to do with or my big, strong, totally undefined arms? Or is that what my negative body image demon tells me you are all focusing on when I'm PMSing? (the second one for $500 Alex)
What is so wrong with my body that you admire that I appear confident in it? (That is my shit)
On to 'our' shit...
"Rach, I really admire your confidence."It gives me the impression that you feel like I have something special that you don't, that's because I feel fairly content and have a pretty positive body image, it must be a 'haves' or 'have nots' situation...
And I can assure you.
I learned this; this is a skill. It is not a have or have not, it is a practice.
I hated my body for years and years and years and years and years. I really and truly in my heart of hearts believed that the next dress size down would finally let me feel happy in my body, the next 10lbs off the scale, then every time I got there, I felt a new level of dissatisfaction.
It was this hamster wheel of hell because every time I 'arrived' where I thought I would feel happy in my body, I found new problems, and worse, I was older, which meant I was inherently uglier, right? RIGHT. (Hello, internalised misogyny, ageism, etc., etc., etc.)
I would corner my poor ex and have cyclical conversations about how hideous I was, and you must be wrong for being attracted to me, no one else will ever love me, there must be something wrong with you, why don't I believe you when you tell me I'm beautiful? And around and around we'd go.
I do not have this sense of peace and contentment because a body image fairy snuck into my bedroom and handed it to me on a starry spring night because I was the chosen one. Or because I had had a good body image growing up, LOL.
I had to practice these skills, I had to be honest with myself about what I was doing that was holding my body image back, how I was avoiding my body, body checking so often that it kept me stuck and insecure, I only worked out when I felt like I was achieving weight loss or to maintain my weight loss (this is not news to you that working out is good for you at any size, but there was no telling me that)
Feeling confident in your body is a practice and a skill, one which our society is not particularly great at fostering without actively working on it.
If you've found a reason to hate your body at every size you've ever been, then that call is coming from inside the house; your body is not the 'problem'.
The good news is that you can learn these skills through 1:1 coaching.
Your body image does not need to slow you down or take up any more headspace than it already has.
If you want people to come up to you at events and parties, telling you how much they admire your glow or your confidence, then step right up, my friend; that is one thing I am confident I can teach you. ⬇️
And this week's podcast episode dives into a question I get asked fairly often, Do I need a coach or do I need a therapist? Listen here directly or search 'Bolder" anywhere you listen to podcasts
Rach's Recs:
new to bring a bit of brevity and lightness to this newsletter 😉
- "All the Way to the River" by Elizabeth Gilbert is a wild memoir. If you ever read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and any of that resonated with you, then Elizabeth's memoir is a wild and crazy ride of what overfunctioning and 'fixing' can look like on an extreme. I personally am fascinated when we get deeply personal, descriptive, and well-written accounts of women being 'crazy'. (Written by women, not hysterical women written by men) Probably why I loved "Fleabag" so much at the time.
Have you read anything lately that stayed with you for a while? I'd love to hear about it and maybe add it to my list ☺️
Speak soon,
